Expecting

one of these days,

one of these moments,

i will go into labor.

it will take some hours.

there will be contractions.

the midwife will be called over.

it will be morning, noon or night. or all three.

and in the end, out will come a baby. this tiny being

that has grown inside me for nine months, for all my life, since i myself was a fetus,

she has been there. here.

an egg-in-waiting.

 

i am expecting, and expecting

is not what you are supposed to do in buddhism, in life.

you are supposed to let go

and yet i am about to embark on the biggest journey of

attachment ever.

 

motherhood.

 

i suppose it will come naturally, as pregnancy has.

my belly has grown, baby has developed, hormones have been secreted, bodily functions revised —

all to accommodate the miracle of birth.

 

i am expecting but i am still enjoying each peaceful, easy day as it comes…

i do accept that they will not be as peaceful or easy with a newborn in the casita.

but i will still open to peace, presence and patience in each mindful moment.

 

i am expecting

Life to continue to flow

through my veins

throbbing down the river banks

cold water, blue blood

 

i am expecting

a baby human

i have no framework with which to comprehend this, other than

knowing what it is like to get a  new puppy or kitten

which is always fun and exciting.

a baby is more work though.

100% dependent

and has a longer life expectancy

 

i am expecting

but all the while

dropping

expectations

since, after all,

i know not what to expect

how to act

what to do

how i will feel

until the moment of birth.